Pottles of Nail Goop are an Invasion of my Shopping Mall Privacy!

Oi! You with your tray of pottles filled with nail stuff! If you approach me one more time today I might just loose my cool and throw you and your tray of goop in the nearest foodcourt bin!

I am not a fan of Malls at the best of times, the lack of parking at Christmas time, people everywhere chattering like geese, texters not watching where they are walking, queues as long as the Rainbows End log flume waiting to order big sweet trashy coffee... I would choose to shop mainstreet any day. But even so, on the odd occasion I find myself at a mall surely I shouldn’t be pestered by mildly attractive sales assistants wanting to buff up my nails. Surely in the name of almighty Westfield and by the power of Greyskull I should be allowed to try and enjoy the ‘mall’ experience without these perfectly manicured vultures getting all up in my face?

And don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about, they stand there with bubblier personalities than Cindy Lauper holding a tray of pottles each with a little squirt of white nail softener, or whatever that miracle crap is...

“Excuse me sir” (the interrupt)

“No” (avoidance)

“Would you like to have incredible nails?” (the stupid question...)

“No” (further avoidance with a hint of irritation)

“It will only take a minute and you won’t know yourself” (the blind stupid persistence)

... ignore

“Sir?” (the final straw)

Now this is where one requires control over their actions. I am already in a frustrated mall funk and this has just made me want to roundhouse kick (Chuck Norris style) the pusher of this Nail Crack! ... Diffuse, Diffuse, Diffuse...

“Look lady, I’m a bloke. If I have nice soft, pretty nails my friends make fun of me. My friends make fun of me and I start to feel down, depressed even. After taxing the health system for some mental health care and probably some subsidised Prozac I might come right... but maybe I won’t, maybe, just maybe I will get all twitchy and aggressive, maybe I will drive too fast and accidentally crash into a bus of children only to survive and spend the rest of my life in prison thinking about innocent dead children! CHILDREN!!! Is that what you want? Now Please!... leave me alone!”

“But your Nails will be soft?” Arrrrrggh! (complete and utter confusion...)

I Walk away.

People change. Some change over a long period of time, others when they don a uniform. A normal person can even become a superhero with the right leotard! What is it about a person that changes when they slide into ‘sales’ mode?

They become pushy instead of persuasive, interruptive instead of interesting and overall the kind of person that no one likes... They become all amways. I’m sure these are lovely people and without holding their tray of goop, these mildly attractive sales people may even become fully attractive who knows. But if you are going to persist with the pushing, keep invading my mall privacy then I am not going to like you. No means no!

So, nail girl/boy... Please don’t approach me about my nails again. Yep, me... you know... the guy!

Retailers Banking on Nostalgia... And it Pisses Me Off!

Christmas time, and the shops go crazy! Retailers, especially after a global credit crisis, must really hold out for the slim window of opportunity where trade picks up and the cash starts to roll in... That's if they accept cash? 

Some New Zealand brands trade off their nostalgia, the connection they have with kiwi hearts based on a long standing history in the marketplace. Some are even the brands we grew up with as kids. It feels good to support them but lets face it, this bond will only get you so far.

I had an interesting experience in Farmers the other day. It was enough for me to send in a mild mannered complaint. What really gets up my wick (yes, more than the litter left in the Auckland Domain after Chirstmas in the Park...) is a lack of response! Here is what I wrote...

"To whom it may concern,

I have been trying hard to support NZ companies throughout these though times but I am disappointed to say I have had the last straw with your Farmers Stores.

A sign that says "30% off for cardholders" should mean just that but it doesn't. I am a male that does not want to walk around with 50 cards in a bulky wallet so all my farmers card details (Number, store registered etc) I keep on my iphone. Upon reading the good deal on the sign, I spent 30 - 40 minutes selecting what I wanted to purchase from the '30% off for cardholders' racks only to get to the counter and be charged full price?

I questioned it and was told this was only for card holders. I am a card holder?

I do not wish to credit my purchase when I am one of the lucky few that has my own money in the bank I choose to spend. I am a cardholder, was a loyal Farmers customer since I was a kid and yet somehow the advertised discount excludes me?? This frustrates me to the point where I leave my purchase on the counter and will not be back. Worst of all it leaves me with a feeling of being treated unfairly, for which the most common human response is to share/vent. None of which is great for your brand or business.

Prior to this visit, I had an interesting experience spending over an hour choosing a perfume from your cosmetics counter at the Queen Street store for my fiance only to find that of the one I wanted to purchase, you have none in stock and will not be getting any more in. Obvious question... Why is it still on the shelf displayed as an available product??

All in all I have to say nostalgia only gets you so far in a relationship. Unfortunately my relationship with Farmers is over.

We have a $20,000 + Bridal Registry to organise on top of furnishing a new house and I am sad to say it will not be with Farmers.

I hope this finds open ears and your team can steer this brand back into the hearts of NZers. However I am guessing the lady behind me in line who left their purchase on a near by rack and exited - and the lady beside me with the other teller having what sounded like an identical issue, being told "come back later with the card, we can hold the stock for you" won't be back in a hurry either. I do hope you know what you are doing.

Excuse me if you find this message rude but your store experience is very frustrating."

Nice right? Well, I always come from a propensity to be polite... Until someone is rude to me.

Oh, and for the record NO response IS rude. Stay tuned...